A Need

God doesn't need me.

Pretty harsh words for a self-loving, self-promoting, selfish person. To not be needed can feel a lot like neglect, or unimportance, or...something worse. To not be needed by someone usually turns us into a person who could care less, or a person who says, "I don't need you either." At least that's where I find myself, more often than I'd like to admit.

The problem with this mindset is that I am in desperate, constant, unbearable need of God. I am in need of Him when my life feels like a ship in a hurricane. I am in need of Him when my heart is in anguish and my flesh is fooling me. I am in need of Him when life is at its personal best, to remind me that it didn't come that way for free. I am in need of Him when all is right in the world, to remind me that He made it that way. I need Him to remind me that He gives me good gifts, that He is in control when everything is a mess, and that He loves me when I feel unloveable.

My need for Him, on a daily basis, is deep and true and evident and a lot like pining.

But what's better, is that His desire for me, is even greater than my need for Him.

'God saw all that he had made, and it was very good...'

Genesis 1:31. This is the first time, in creation, that God says 'very good' and it's right after He creates man. His desire for man is nothing like pining. It is planned and good and true. His desire comes from a pure, unselfish place.

And if you read Stars and Whales, you know that God has a multitude of singers and songwriters across the planets. And He could make the earth do whatever He commanded. So, really, why would he ever need us? He wouldn't; He'll do one better. He loves us.

He'll desire you to the very core. He'll desire the joy you bring to the world, the happiness you fill in other hearts, the mess you create in your every day, and the questions you bring to His feet. He'll delight in the worship you give whether it's music or pictures or words. He'll enjoy the opportunities to teach you to lean into Him. And He'll love you, unconditionally.

Most days it is harder for me to understand how a God could desire this, than it is to understand that He doesn't need me. But all days I have to-need to-remember that he does just that; desires me. Because sometimes the rest of the noise tells me I'm not worth it, I'm making too big of a mess, and I'm not made for such a journey. And maybe this is what most of us our missing; that we are loved, and wanted, and desired. And, at least for me, it feels better to be desired than to just be needed.