where He was

The most common question in tragedy, violence, harm, and death is typically, “Where was God?”  Where were You when that happened? Where was Your hand, Your protection, Your help? And I had those same questions; if I am a child of God, where exactly was He?

Of course, a few days removed, I can see right where He was.

He was in the stranger who swept us up in her car and drove us to the emergency vet clinic. No questions asked, no favor or repayment needed.

He was in the veterinarian who offered immediate help, a hand to hold, and a room to cry in.

He was in my mother who cried with me, from miles away, and reminded me of her own pain and her own healing.

He was in my father who said yes to everything we asked. Yes we can bury her here; yes you can come right away. And in the cross he built and the grave he dug at a moment’s notice.

He is in the friends who gathered quickly to pray, signed a card, and find the right words. Friends who know what it means to call them "kiddos".

He is in my husband who left work, drove as fast as he could, and mourned alongside me; the husband who does not let me be alone in the darkness or the light.

He is in the pastor who not only knows the Word of God, but knows us. His consolation is not rehearsed or well-practiced, but personal and real. Our suffering is his suffering.

He is in the workplace that allows us to come late, leave early, and cry often.

He is in the baby robin that sat in Phoebe’s place, under her table, in the shade; the baby robin that watched us just as she did.

He was in the relationship we had with her for 7 years. He was there, protecting her from being stolen in the backyard, covered in bleach as a prank, chasing prairie dogs smaller than her and cows much larger. He was in her sweet, loving eyes, her whine that drove us crazy, her zest and gusto for all things in flight, her honest belief that she, too, could climb trees, and her abundant loyalty.

He was and is in everything around us. Though it does not stop the “what-ifs” or the “whys” of death and tragedy, it answers the “did she know we loved her”, “does she know we miss her”, and “are we all alone”.

Yes, she did.

Yes, she does.

And no, we’re not. He is here.