Brokenness is no stranger, to anyone, really. Brokenness is like the pair of old shoes in your closet--you may not wear it every day, but it's too difficult to throw away. It's like the lip gloss you always have handy--it's usually close enough to drop right in your lap at any time. It's a little like the caffeine addiction that leaves a headache if you reject it. Brokenness is just not a thing you can toss away and never meet again.
The new study on the radio is the match.com members preferring divorced single people to date because they've already been through the ringer once, and maybe they'll work harder this time. The story on the television is the drunk driver who killed a police officer and is sentenced to life in prison. The headline at work is the lady who recently lost her dog, and has been in tears ever since.
Brokenness cannot be tossed away by working harder, doing better, or by ignoring it. You can't just promise to make better decisions and believe it will vanish. Brokenness is what causes a marriage to crumble, because two people can't heal and move on together. (I get that pain.) Brokenness is what leads people to drink, heavily, on a daily basis just to put away the pain. (I get that pain, too.) Brokenness is what tugs at our heart when a pet dies, bringing the sadness of hurt and death to the surface. (Yep, I get that one.)
I'd be willing to bet that so many of us are at least a little broken. Do we even realize how many things are out there waiting for us to turn the corner, waiting for when we're not looking, to shoot us with another arrow of guilt, pain, shame, lies, or doubt? If you've been hit, you completely understand the depth at which this arrow aims.
As a child, you recognized a broken toy as a tragedy. The arm fell off, this piece cracked in half, someone stepped on that. Broken is just not what we were intended for, and seeing something broken evokes the emotion and turmoil that stirs up when we know something isn't right. This just isn't right.
"You will be wounded. Just because this battle is spiritual doesn't mean it's not real; it is, and the wounds a man can take are in some ways more ugly than those that come in a firefight. To lose a leg is nothing compared to losing heart; to be crippled by shrapnel need not destroy your soul, but to be crippled by shame and guilt may. You will be wounded by the Enemy. He knows the wounds of your past, and he will try to wound you again in the same place." (Wild at Heart ,176-77) Eldridge
So, there's a promise that we'll be wounded, a promise that life will hurt. Unfortunately. I wish I could tell you this isn't true. (In fact, there probably are some people that will tell you it isn't true, and we should maybe ask them how they've avoided such arrows.) Nonetheless, you are not alone here. You are not the only broken one, the only wounded person.
"We have no equivalent now for a Purple Heart of spiritual warfare, but we will. One of the noblest moments that await us will come at the wedding feast of the Lamb. Our Lord will rise and begin to call those forward who were wounded in battle for his name's sake and they will be honored, their courage rewarded." (Wild at Heart ,176-77) Eldridge
Today, I feel a little like no one else knows why I'm broken, because they've never dealt with these things before. Today, I feel a little like I am completely alone in these waters, waiting for them to pull me under. I feel almost like everyone has advice, but no one knows how to heal this brokenness.
My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
You see, there is someone who understands, someone who knows, someone who heals. If I could just remember that He sees all of this junk that I'm carrying, and He knows exactly how to handle it, I could probably look past my own brokenness. If I could just get it in my heart that even though I am broken and may continue to be wounded, I am not actually alone in this.
You, also, are not alone in this. It may seem that nobody knows what you're going through and no one else understand the depths of the scars you have. There is still hope, and there still can be healing. If God spoke the words 'brokenhearted', it's because He knows what a broken heart looks like. If He offers a source of healing, it's because He knows we so desperately need it. The Healer is called a healer because He anticipated, understands, and knows your wounds. On the days that it seems easier to slip under the water, letting the brokenness take over, try to remember that the God of the entire universe knew you'd be in these waters, He sees you there, and He's offering help to those wounds. He's offering to put you back together.