why not

I owe someone an apology. Probably every employer I've ever had, every interviewer I've ever spoken with, and any person I fooled into believing I was a business woman. In fact, I might even owe myself an apology. The suits, the skirts, the shoes, the skyscrapers with killer window views, the computers, the faxes, the emails, the direct phone lines, the business cards; it all seemed like quite a bit of fun, and I chased that train with a lot of fight.

But, I just don't care about the monthly sales goals, the revenue, the scores and reviews, the competition, or the blood-thirsty games we play. I'm sorry, I just don't. I am, however, very interested in the hearts behind those phone calls, the questions, the reviews, the meetings and appointments.

In nearly every job I've had, it's been the people I've enjoyed and the people I've hated to leave. Even when I didn't thoroughly enjoy the people each day, I always cried a few tears when it came time to leave them behind, in the dust of "I'll call you". And I've even beaten myself up about being displeased, unfulfilled with every job I've had. I've always been good at my jobs, an employee everyone likes to keep (I'm gifted with an easy personality, and a personality that just won't settle for less than a job well done), but I've always come up short, feeling like it just doesn't fit.

But when someone comes in upset that they're so far from home, when a sweet baby is driving her momma crazy, or when a co-worker expresses all their dreams and fears over a lunch hour, that's what I'm interested in, that's when I feel most at home.

And if I can use my gift of being able to talk to any stranger, or my gift of caring too much, or the struggles that I've faced in losing a sibling and a cousin, mending a relationship with my dad, or finding out that newlyweds aren't in fact the luckiest people in the world, then, why not?

Why not pursue a passion to help hearts? Why not try making a living out of what makes living worth it to me? So, I think I might. I think I might go back to school and seek a career in helping hearts. I think I might set out to be in the business of finding lost hearts.