Monday, January 30

like I know you

She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen; long, silky, blonde hair, expressive, sweet eyes, and a laugh that reminds you of the happiest children at Christmas time. I knew of her, but I had yet met her.

We were introduced and almost immediately I was disappointed that she lived so far away. Her kids were polite and kind, and she was just one of those ladies who "has it all together". She makes it easy to like her instantly; the kind of like that makes you feel you could tell her your whole life's story, make some wishes with her in the fountain, and spend a few hours shoe shopping with her. She's comfortable to be around and lights up a room; a mom at her finest.

Then, after dinner, she walked up to me, leaned in to give me a hug and said,

"I read your blogs so, I feel like I know you."

She felt like she already knew me.

She is Alex's aunt and lives in Singapore, so the likelihood of us having coffee tomorrow morning or seeing a movie this weekend is a little far-fetched, but somehow we have a bond.

And it's for this reason that I have to be reading my Bible. It's for this single reason that I will never survive if I don't.

A person's words will tell you almost everything about them. An author gives hundreds of words to a character just so you'll know them, in all of their fiction, you'll get them. And an author, who writes about real-life, usually uses all of their energy to find the perfect words for their imperfect situation. This way, you'll know them.

And I have to know my God. I have to know why my marriage started out with so many bad eggs. I have to know why some things hurt me more than I'd like them to. I have to know why these struggles are harder than those struggles. And I have to know this isn't all there is. I have to know that we still have a chance to be great.

I haven't had any words for a few days. I haven't had the words to say I wish my husband could get a job. I haven't had the words to say that some days I'd rather stay in bed and wait for tomorrow. I haven't had the words to say we need date-night and weekend friends and a community of strong believers beside us if we have even the slightest chance of survival. I haven't had the words to say that we were getting better, but getting better is still hard to do.

So, I am in desperate want of words. I need something to say, or something to hear. I need words to fill in the questions.

So, I have to read words. I have to read words that tell me who God is because otherwise this is a long, doubtful road. I have to read His words because I have to know him. I want to be able to look up and say,

"I read Your words so, I feel like I know You."
Without understanding who He is, by nature and character, I have a slim chance of ever understanding why. And to ever have a bond with Him, that surpasses understanding or distance, I have to know what He is all about, what He is saying to me with His words.

No comments:

Post a Comment