With You

There are but two things in this world; love and fear. And it is from only these two things that all other emotions, all other reactions, and all good and bad things come from. They are our gift and our curse. God, being the father of love, and Satan being the father of fear. Where these two collide is where humans are found. They are also the two places where I find my Christmas spirit, depending on the year.

This counselor I have is a genius. Actually, he has a God-given gift that brought me some relief for the first time in weeks, maybe months. And almost everything written here, is his.

My soul is out of rest. Because of fears-fears that have rendered me silent, tearful and hopeless-my soul is without rest. I am in, perhaps, the most real place I have ever been because of these fears. I am in a place where I am wondering what it means to trust, and a place where fears have me questioning what I am even made for. And it is in this place, full of fear, that God will find me. Rather, the place where God already was, waiting for me to find Him.

I am with you. I see you and what you're going through, and I am with you. I know this isn't what you hoped for, but I am still right here, with you.

I know you want to curse me until your last breath, and I know you want to lay in my arms until you sleep. Do both. I can handle them both.

Your friends and family want happiness for you because they love you. I love you more. So I want My plan for you. I love you so much that I want to help you transform. I love you and I want you to have more.

Sometimes when Tom speaks, I can hear God's voice. Right there, in a cozy room, on a tan couch, God really is right there with me.

And here, in this very real, very valid place of hurt, is why He came. It is why God decided to become human and walk among us. He saw our fear which led to distress which led to hurt which led to a disconnect from him. He saw us struggling and suffering, all alone, and He came. He came to be with us.

And He sees me today, a few days before Christmas in hurt and pain, all full of fear. And He is with me. He has taken all of that hurt and pain, and turned it into my Christmas spirit. He is using distress, so close to this holiday, to remind me of why I celebrate it. And even though I feel bound by fear, I am radiating with joy that I am not alone because of a baby boy who lived and died to be with me.

So, merry, merry Christmas to me and to you.