Monday, December 12

Loved Anyway

"And so it goes, this soldier knows
The battle with the heart isn't easily won."

Now, why on earth is that? Why is it that the organ that keeps us alive and is the supply center for all of our other organs and limbs, the organ that acts as the control center of most people's actions and reactions, and figuratively makes us who we are can be so deceiving?

I don't think it's deceiving, I think it's damaged.

The Greeks recognized that the heart was the center of the body, the heating center for the body, and was the first formed organ in the body. They knew its importance and its worth. They also believed that the heart-like the diaphram-was torn. All of the vessels running in and out of the heart had caused tears and spaces in the heart, leaving it open to feel the shudders and contractions of joy and suffering in the body.

Good theory, I think. And lovely if that's how we explain all the things we feel. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it's something a little more...

John and Stasi Eldredge write a few (wonderful) books about the hearts of women and the hearts of men. A man's heart yearns for adventure; a great, heroic story to not only tell, but to be a part of. The restlessness that a man feels in his heart could be the direct result of his want for a great adventure that he feels he was left out of.

And a woman, every woman, yearns for a great love. A love that is deep and true, ridiculous and real, inconvenient and consuming. (Carrie always did say it best.) To be adored and loved, and to be shown all of that, could possibly be, for 84% of all women, the biggest and most important matter of the heart.

And in this world, some of us are missing what we yearn for. Some of us are walking in an ache that reminds of us what we had hoped for and dreamed of, and keep missing. And I know that's why Jesus did what He did, promises what He promises, and offers all of this with open, graceful arms. But, some days, I just can't grasp it. Some days, I continue looking in all the wrong places to fill the void. And my heart feels full of tears, wide open to pain.

And in the middle of the aches and pains, I pray that my voids will be filled and, most of all, that my brain will override my heart and remind me about truth. Mostly, I hope that Jaimie is right and that my words will be heard, and I'll be loved anyway.

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