Often times, especially in the darkness, we lose our ability to see what is causing us to struggle and our perception to be saved. This darkness, always created by fear and lies, sneaks in and confuses our senses, crumbles our emotions, and crushes our spirits. Finding a way out, let alone a moment of relief, feels far away.
Have you ever been to the beach? Have you ever sat on the shore, waited for the waves to come dancing beneath you, and moved in closer just to see how powerful those waves really were? And have you ever lost your balance beneath them? By the time you’ve fallen, all you can do is use every fiber in every muscle you have, and every piece of advice Survivor Man has given you, and it’s still not enough to pull you up from the shattering waves.
And no matter what I try, how hard I struggle, or the fight I think I have left, I find myself constantly falling back to the murky waters of dark thoughts, deep fears, and depressing worries.
Yes, I’ve read Psalms. Each day, every day. I’ve found accountability partners, mentors, friends and counselors. I’ve put on my armor, I’ve said no to the inappropriate things and yes to the appropriate. I have stood up against darkness, and have found myself being pushed back time and time again. One step forward, and five more back.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23)
Guarding my heart is a lesson I have yet to catch. I can go through the motions, read the correct information, and surround myself with beautiful things. But figuring out the recipe for this is still a mystery to me. And it’s probably true that for each difficulty or time of joy, the recipe is somewhat different.
Oh, and I praise You
Oh, and I worship You
Covered by Your love divine, child of the risen Lord
To hear You say, ‘This one’s mine’
My heart is spoken for. (MercyMe)
If my heart can only belong to one person, one thing, or one place, I choose God, my Creator in Heaven every time. Without doubt or fear, I choose Him. Every time.
Bring me to life, ‘cause I am fading
Surround me with the rush of angels’ wings
Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel love
Can You overcome this heart that’s overcome? (DavidCrowderBand)
Father God, my heart is overcome. I need to see Your light, to feel Your love, and to just be near You. My heart is Yours. Above all else, above all others, my heart is Yours. Protect it for me, teach me to guard it.