(This one, I promise you, is not about Alex Ferrero. Well, not entirely.)
I have been so busy and so sleepy and so anxious that I have neglected writing. Not that this saddens many people on the planet, or that too many people were holding their breath, but as I've mentioned, I feel as though writing is somewhat of a calling in my life. I also know that writing and calling upon truth helps me to refocus and to bring my heart closer to God. So, here I am. And I'll be needing your help in the future to be diligent.
On a recent trip to Denver (Go Rockies!), I realized how much had changed in my life over a quick two years. I was back in that city that always feels like home, but I was feeling more like a nostalgic visitor. I knew the streets and I knew the skyscrapers, but I still felt like I was on a miniature vacation. And yes, I do see Denver as a nice getaway; city lights and hole-in-the-wall restaurants (that were once operated by the mob...) and huge sports stadiums. And then I remembered; oh yeah, I used to live here.
That alone threw me off. I had wanted to live in that city for as long as I can remember. And when I took off-again, only two years ago-I planned on that city being my forever home. See how terrible my vision is?
When I made that huge leap, and moved to a city that was 17 times the size of Scottsbluff, I didn't know a single person. I was depending on God to be my eyes and my compass. I needed guidance and help, and I found it at the exact right time. I managed to find a job and an apartment to call my own within 9 hours. Then, I was counting on Him to be my comfort when I felt abandoned and alone. Soon I was calling on Him to be my helper when I was in a job filled with darkness and plain insanity. I could actually close my eyes and write a book on every step I took and the places I found God in those short 6 months.
A co-worker-at the crazy workplace-then led me to a church just down the highway. Immediately I had a place to call home; a church filled with smiling faces and a small bible study to boot! Now I was seeking God to be my teacher and my forgiver. I had tons and tons of days and months and years that I needed to unpack, lay at the cross, and leave behind. And here, at Southeast, I was able to do just that. In the midst of all this, I was recovering from what I thought was heartache. I was also relying on God to be my healer and lover of my soul and keeper of my heart.
And in between and after and all around, I found God to be my provider. In times that I needed Him most, He was always right there. Whether I needed financial help or truth spoken to my heart or guidance into my next step, He was there. And even when I was uncertain about my choices or uncertain about my location, I found myself having a much easier time trusting in His goodness and His plans. I tried making many plans of my own, and have found myself in a better, more divine, and easier path than I could have ever anticipated.
And what I neglected to notice, until a chilly day in April, is that all of these roles I had asked God to be were just because of my constant changing and shifting and growing. You see, God is always constant, always faithful, and is always Ruler and Lord. On any given day, I might need Him to be my strength or my hope or my provider or my healer, but every single day of my life He is all of the above.
And driving down the interstate I remembered who I was when I was packing my things and leaving all that I knew. I was lost and broken and in desperate need of a Savior. Once I found Him, I actually became a new creation. I am not a person in new clothes or with a new smile, but a person with a completely new life and a new hope. And there is just no way I could ever go back to how it was before. And perhaps that's why I travel in different circles and meet with new people and have different interests; I prefer to leave all of the old me behind.
They say you can't remember the day you were born or the months following, but I say that's a lie. I can remember the exact day I was born, and the days and hours and months that have raised me and brought me to June 14th, 2011.