For anyone to understand God, you have to understand His heart. I believe this to be true about every person on this planet as well.
Since I was old enough to understand right from wrong, I’ve understood my heart and soul. It’s like I’ve been growing up with my heart as my imaginary friend. Me, and my heart, are not too far apart. So, I feel like anyone in my life has to know and understand my heart to really know me.
I am a strong woman.
I was born in the country where dirt and heavy lifting are at your back door. Okay, maybe my dad did most of the heavy lifting, but working and playing outside just came natural. I walked barefoot in the weeds and gravel. I learned that to get things done, you had to work for them. If you fell down, you got back up. If the lamb knocked you over or the horse bucked you off, you stood up and tried again. I have learned that giving up is not an option; that if you keep going and do what is right, you will succeed.
Lately, trouble has been around me like bees around honey. And not just me, but it has been around close friends as well. I cannot and will not take this lightly. Harm has been trying to befriend my heart.
My heart is honorable and faithful and good. It’s almost like I don’t have a choice. My heart will not allow me to be anything but good to other people. Sometimes it is so good to other people that they take advantage. And trust me, this is nothing new. The problem is that I-Alyssa-am tired of watching my heart be beaten and taken advantage of. It is a good, peaceful, giving heart and I have sat by and watched it be trampled for years and years. In fact, some people have been repeat offenders.
Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade this heart for any other heart. I would not ask God to change it or reshape it or train it. I love having a heart that immediately defends my family and friends. I love having a heart that believes in the good of people and believes in love. I love having a heart that feels and trusts and loves without question.
But my poor, tired heart.
I owe an apology to my heart. On most occasions, I have sat still, very quietly and allowed my heart to take hits and punches. I’ve watched my heart shamelessly be thrown out of the ring. Because I have never wanted to harm any other hearts, I have let this one take a lot. You shouldn’t be surprised if this heart is black and blue, bruised, and barely beating.
But, it isn’t that way at all. This heart-faithful and true-is still beating. It still has a large light beaming and radiating into my life. It still has a road map with all the right turns and directions. It still nourishes me daily. It is the best imaginary friend one could ask for.
Thank you, God.
But now, I-Alyssa-am fed up with letting it go unprotected. I am tired of watching it be turned into other people’s punching bag and practical joke. This heart deserves much better.
God tells us to, above all, guard and protect our heart. That is exactly what I’m going to do. I will not set out in anger or vengeance because that is not for me to handle. God will take care of those who have hurt my heart. But it is my turn to be that strong woman. I would never hesitate to stick up for my friends or family. I would never hesitate to stand firm in front of their enemies so, why do I stall when it comes to my own? Why do I feel that my heart is unworthy of love, trust, and honesty?
Enough is enough.
My heart thanks those of you who continue to show me and give me love daily. If not for you, I would have lost sight of what good there is left. Because of you-my family,and amazing friends-my heart has been renewed in the midst of trouble and harm because of your words, encouragment, and hugs. My heart would have stopped beating a long time ago without you beside me.
And to one in particular, thank you for reminding me that my heart is worthy of love and happiness, truth and honesty, and that it is worthy of being protected and honored.
“Thank you for making my heart beat again…”